In a move that shocked the global economy, Fed Chairman Jerome “The Power” Powell announced the S&P500 will replace the Dow 100 as the symbol of financial strength. Unveiling the glowing S&P500 logo, Powell likened it to a mecha transformation. “We needed more… 500 energy,” he said, striking a pose. The S&P500 isn’t just an index—it’s the future, with power levels over 9000. “Traditional stocks are so 80s,” Powell added as neon lightning crackled. “The S&P500 will light up the sky!”